


The Colour Yellow

by tradenomistakes



Category: Panic! at the Disco, Twenty One Pilots
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-22
Updated: 2017-03-22
Packaged: 2018-10-09 08:55:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,410
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10408503
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tradenomistakes/pseuds/tradenomistakes
Summary: Brendon feels lonely, and Ryan's favorite colour is yellow





	

**Author's Note:**

> I uploaded this awhile ago but i'm reposting incase anyone missed it, and also to have a back up i can't really lose.

Brendon met the love of his life at a dingy bar called Lucky You in his freshman year of college. It was at the corner of the diner he worked at and the apartment he lived in with his roommate Dallon. “Everyone’s dating, even Gerard, who thought he was asexual fell in love with frank, and you need to sometime too,” Dallon said while they were walking to the bar. “I’ll find him someday, I don’t know why it needs to be in a gross bar for broke college students,” Brendon replied chuckling. “I never said it needs to be in a bar, but if it’s meant to be, it’ll be” Dallon said right before they had gotten to the bar. A few drinks in and some bullshit drunk talk, Brendon noticed someone at the bar stools.   
“and I was like no, that’s insane, because it is, right?” Dallon said, talking about god knows what. “Yeah Dall, sounds crazy,” Brendon said staring at the boy with brown hair at the front of the bar. “Brendon, are you even listening to me?” Dallon asked snapping his fingers in front of Brendon’s face. “no not really, it’s just, that guy over there,” Brendon pointed to Ryan who was now talking to the barista with a smile on his face. “Ryan? That’s who’s distracting you?” Dallon asked craning his head to get a better look at Ryan. “Hey, Ryan, over here!” Dallon yelled whistling with his fingers.  
Ryan grabbed his beer and turned around in his seat. “Dallon? Hey man, how are you?” Ryan asked getting up and walking over to the table. “I’m doing good, this is tipsy Brendon, I think you guys will get along pretty well,” Dallon said scooting over so Ryan could sit, and sure enough Brendon and Ryan did get along. After a couple more beers, Brendon had shared drunken kisses with Ryan and Dallon was sure he was destined to be the cupid in this story, making sure Brendon got home safely so he could truly embark on his love venture. 

Brendon spent his days juggling work, college, and talking to Ryan, learning more about him as time went on. Brendon learned that Ryan was born in Las Vegas, his mother was a housewife, his dad was a doctor, Ryan’s favorite colour was yellow, and he was a local musician who managed to survive by playing gigs all over New York. Brendon fell in love with Ryan, who was happy helping Brendon study, giving him money when needed, and getting to know Brendon’s friends better. Ryan wrote a song for Brendon and Brendon wanted it to be the soundtrack to his life.

Brendon had his midlife crisis when he was 23, fresh out of college majoring in journalism. Brendon had started officially dating Ryan right when Ryan had gotten signed, and Ryan’s manager, during everything had advised both of them to keep their relationship 100% a secret, and the only known association they could have publicly was if Brendon interviewed Ryan or something of the sort. He said it had something to do with a scandal so they agreed. 

After the release of Ryan’s second album, it really launched, Brendon quit his job as a journalist, because Ryan had cleared Brendon’s student debt and had all the money to pay the bills. Ryan wanted to keep Brendon at home all times because Brendon always had to be available just in case Ryan was. Brendon had felt an immense sense of gratefulness and was so glad to live in a bachelor pad in New York free of stress. But Ryan was never home. At first, Brendon had programmed “Kill them with kindness” Into his mind, and whenever Ryan blew him off, Brendon smiled, kissed him passionately, and said he couldn’t wait until Ryan got back. But before Brendon had expected it quickly diminished. As time went on, the kisses were a little bit less passionate, the good byes were a little less genuine and Brendon’s yearn for being with Ryan was growing stronger than he would expect. Ryan’s manager had nothing to worry about, there was nothing to publicize because Brendon and Ryan’s relationship was almost like a ghost; the spirit lingers but for the most part its gone.

“We should watch a movie,” Brendon said when Ryan came home. Ryan had been in California played a couple of concerts and visiting his parents, but insisted Brendon to stay home. “You know I’d love to do that,” Ryan said putting his suitcase in the other room. “Than do it,” Brendon said crossing his arms and following Ryan to the room. “I have to go to a business meeting but I’ll catch up with you, I promise,” Ryan said kissing Brendon on the forehead and leaving as quick as he went. Brendon sat down on the couch and sighed with existential dread. He got up and dialed Dallon on the answering machine in the kitchen and started opening cabinets trying to find something to make for dinner. “Hello?” Dallon’s voice sounded sleepy and disorientated, but Brendon wasn’t bothered, it sounded like that a lot. “Hey, how’s New Jersey?” Brendon asked pulling out a box spaghetti. “Cold, but since when did you start asking about New Jersey and not about me?” Dallon asked. “Because I know how you are, tired, in debt, what else is there?” Brendon asked pulling out a pot from the bottom cabinet. There was a bit of a pause before Dallon chuckled and said “sounds like me.” Brendon put some water in the pot and listened to Dallon go on about how work was a bitch and how Tyler and Josh we’re clearly in love and he wished he was in love too, and Brendon just laughed and hummed as always. When Brendon called Dallon their calls always went the same but were always about different things.

“How’s being engaged to Mr. Fame?” Dallon said finally. “That’s something I needed to talk to you about,” Brendon said dumping the spaghetti into the pot of boiling water, “I love Ryan, but I missed when I could sit with him and talk to him for hours. I miss telling him about which one of my feet hit the floor in the morning after I got out of bed and him smiling like I said the most important thing in the world. Now he just shrugs when I tell him about my day and says he has to do something for work. I hate that I’m dating someone married and I’m still insignificant, it’s like I’m destined to be the sidekick to someone else’s story. I swear the thing I miss most is when he would hug me with all his might and look at me like I was the best life would get and he was okay with that.”   
“What makes you think I could do something about that?” Dallon said sounding a little worried. “I need to be with people. I was thinking I could visit?” Brendon said stirring the pasta with the water. “I can mail you a key, we have a spare guest bedroom, go crazy. I’m a little extra tired since you woke me up from a nap, so I have to go but come as soon as you can alright?” Dallon said with a small yawn. Brendon nodded and hung up. As soon as Brendon finished his spaghetti, he ate some and put the rest in a Tupperware container for Ryan.

**

Ryan didn’t come home for another hour or two, and when he did Brendon was half asleep on the couch. “Hey Bren, how was today?” Ryan said kissing Brendon’s neck. “Tiring, there’s some spaghetti that I made, it’s on the counter,” Brendon said shutting off the TV, he was watching a documentary on how millionaires seem to gain weight after becoming rich. “That doesn’t sound so great, thanks for saving me spaghetti but I got to get going,” Ryan said walking to the room. Brendon furrowed his brows and shook his head. “No,” He said standing up. “What do you mean No? I’ll be right back Jesus Brendon,” Ryan said taking off his shirt and looking for a new one. “I mean, how come we never spend time together anymore, you’re always gone,” Brendon yelled from the other room. “Brendon, it’s for work, you know that baby,” Ryan said putting on a fresh shirt. When Ryan turned around, Brendon was there with his arms crossed. 

“Brendon, I have to go,” Ryan said trying to push past him. “Ry, it’s not fair that I feel like I don’t have a boyfriend just because you’re out and about all the time. When did that start becoming the best your life could get?” Brendon asked feeling insulted. “That’s not what it’s like Brendon, I’ll sleep with you tonight and kiss you good morning tomorrow, just let me go alright?” Ryan said and finally pushed past Brendon, determined to get out. As soon as Brendon heard the door shut, he closed the bedroom door. He pulled one of Ryan’s sweaters out of the closet, hugged it, and sat on the bed wondering when the key would get there.

**

When the Key did get there, it was silver and came with a note with Tyler’s address, and Brendon’s impulse control vanished. He was on the next flight to New Jersey with a suitcase in hand and a feeling of dread in his heart as soon as he sat down in the plane seat.

**

Ryan’s favorite colour was yellow. The colour of the sweater Brendon stole from Ryan and never gave back. The colour of the cab Brendon was riding. The colour of the street lights Brendon was staring at while feeling the subtle chill of the New Jersey cab’s AC. The colour of the note Brendon wrote his mock wedding vows on. Brendon wanted to live in the colour yellow, if only Ryan didn’t want to make him not live at all sometimes. When Brendon got to the small New Jersey apartment, he crashed on the couch and picked the yellow blanket to sleep with.

**  
“Who the fuck are you?” Josh yelled making Brendon fall off the couch. “Josh, are you okay?” Tyler yelled running from the main bedroom to the living room. “Jesus, it’s me, Brendon,” Brendon said rubbing his head. “Oh god, sorry Bren,” Josh said pulling him up. “Jesus your strong,” Brendon said in awe, he even went as far as to patting Josh’s left arm. ”Anyhow,” Tyler said clearing his throat, “Brendon is staying with us until Ryan stops being such a dick,” Tyler said walking to the kitchen. “What’s got you down Urie?” Josh said helping Tyler grab the coffee beans off the top shelf. “Ryan’s never home, I’m always at home, by myself, it just gets kind of lonely,” Brendon said folding the blanket he slept with. “Well, since Tyler is a bored housewife, I’m sure you guys will get along really great,” Josh said nudging Tyler. 

“I’m going to take a shower because I have to get to work soon, so I’ll see you tonight, me and Tyler and Dallon are going to get drunk and listen to shitty rock music,” Josh said leaning against the wall, “If you need anyone to talk to, I’m right here, and so is Doris day over there,” Josh said gesturing to Tyler. “Will do,” Brendon said smiling “Uh, where’s Dallon?” 

Dallon walked out of his room and raised an eyebrow, “You called?” “I’m here,” Brendon said walking up to Dallon and giving him a hug. This is what Brendon missed. Feeling someone else’s warmth, making jokes, feeling loved.   
** 

Tyler and Brendon spent their morning discussing books, art, anything but Ryan. When the conversation seemed to drift to something only slightly related to Ryan, Brendon made sure to change the topic so he didn’t have to think about Ryan. At one point Ryan called. “I have to take this,” Brendon said pointing at his phone. “Brendon I swear to god if that’s Ryan, put your phone down and ignore it,” Tyler said furrowing his eyebrows. Brendon shook his head and excused himself while he stepped out of the living room and into the bathroom. 

“You in town? I didn’t see you this morning when I woke up.” Ryan said with a hint of worry in his voice.

“No, I’m in New Jersey,” Brendon said. 

“New Jersey?” Ryan asked with a sterner tone. 

“New Jersey,” Brendon said nodding his head and trying not to focus on the yellow bar of soap, or the yellow tooth brush holder in his peripheral vision. 

“Brendon if this is about yesterday… I’m sorry. Where are you? Let me come get you. I want to spend the entire day with you, I love you,” Ryan said, his voice was cracking and they were both aware of it. Brendon didn’t answer. He just sighed and shook his head a little more. After a couple of minutes of not answering he heard the three beeping tones of the other person hanging up. Brendon rubbed his cheeks and put his phone in his back pocket and left the bathroom.

**  
At night, they did indeed get drunk, except they did it on the roof of the apartment Josh, Tyler, and Dallon lived in. at around 2 AM, Josh admitted to being tired and climbed down the fire escape back to the balcony and inside. “You should make your move,” Dallon nudged Tyler and patted him on the back, “it’s now or never.” Brendon nodded and drank some more beer, “This way you can blame it on a drunken accident.”   
Tyler just nodded and laughed and went back to the apartment. “He was the love of your life,” Dallon said sitting down on the floor. “He’s still the love of my life, you can’t just stop loving someone,” Brendon said sitting down with Dallon, “He called me.” 

“Can I ask what he said?” Dallon asked stealing the beer from Brendon and finishing it off.  
“He asked where I was, I told him, he told me he’d spend the entire day with me, and I hung up,” Brendon said opening a bottle of whiskey he had in his back pocket.

“Do you think you’re going back?” Dallon asked chugging some whiskey and coughing on it. 

“I think so, it might not be soon but he’s still the love of my life, right?” Brendon said laughing slightly.


End file.
